Saturday, November 24, 2012

Having a daughter is not a burden, but rather a joy.........break the rules

Kamala and her husband Ramesh were overjoyed at the birth of their first daughter. They celebrated with their neighbors and even called a pundit (a Hindu priest) to attend the celebrations. This happiness lasted until Kamala delivered another baby girl. Ramesh was upset by this news because he wanted a son very badly. Ramesh’s desire to have a son was due to the fact that it is traditionally the son who takes care of the parents once they are old. Also, it is the son that lights the funeral pyre of the parents.
He could accept having one daughter, but the thought of having two girls was a burden. He took his anger out on Kamala and cursed her because she was unable to bear him a son. Kamala felt helpless and miserable because she had no control over the situation.
Ramesh and his mother began to neglect Kamala and her daughter. They refused to give Kamala and her daughter any food during this vital time in the child’s development. The village was also on Ramesh’s side and they blamed Kamala for only having daughters. Sujata Devi, Kamala’s mother, was furious when she heard how her daughter and newborn granddaughter were being treated. She could not believe that the child’s own father was neglecting the well being of his daughter.
Sujata Devi met with her in-laws and attempted to explain to them that having a daughter was just as much of a blessing as having a son. However, they did not listen to Sujata Devi and they continued to ridicule Kamala. Sujata Devi was especially angry because her son in-law was abusing Kamala. She wanted Ramesh to have a lesson in genetics because she knew that it was the man that determines the gender of the foetus. This is because the woman can only give an X chromosome and the man can give either an X or Y chromosome, which determines gender.
She demanded that he accompany her to Dharamsala Hospital to meet with a doctor, but Ramesh brashly refused to come with her. Ramesh realized that he had no choice and he accepted his second daughter.
Ramesh was determined not to have another daughter when Kamala was pregnant with her third child. He was willing to go to any lengths to ensure that he did not have a third daughter. He was even prepared to kill the fetus.
Ramesh decided to force Kamala to get an ultrasound test to in order to determine the sex of the child. Sujata Devi found out about her son in-law’s plans and she begged them not to go ahead with the test. However, Kamala and Ramesh proceeded with the test and found out that they were going to have another girl. Kamala was scared that her husband would take drastic measures and she begged him to save the baby. Her cries were not heard and she was forced to have an abortion.
The doctor removed the lifeless foetus from Kamala’s womb, leaving her traumatized. Sujata Devi became enraged when Kamala told her mother about this dreadful incident. She could not believe that her son in-law was capable of such an atrocity. Also, she could not tolerate Ramesh and his mother treating Kamala as if she was a childbearing machine.
Sujata Devi was extremely frustrated, so she turned to her dear friend and employer Dr. Kshama Metre (affectionately called Dr. Didi). Dr. Didi immediately called Ramesh to CORD(Chinmaya Organization for Rural Development) and scolded him for what he had done and pointed out the repercussions of his actions. Ramesh remained silent.
Things remained calm until Kamala became pregnant with her fourth child. Ramesh wanted to determine the gender of the child, so he forced Kamala to have an ultrasound. The family was happy when the ultrasound revealed that the child was a boy. However, Kamala unexpectedly delivered a baby girl. Consequently, everyone began to curse and harass her.
Ramesh began to beat her because she had given him another daughter. Kamala called her mother in tears and Sujata Devi tried to help her. She spoke to her in-laws and attempted to explain to them that having a daughter was not Kamala’s fault, but they refused to listen. In the meantime, Ramesh devised a plan to get rid of his newborn daughter. He snatched their daughter out of Kamala’s arms and gave her to a couple that was waiting outside in a taxi.
Kamala was stunned and she immediately called her mother for help. Sujata Devi told Dr. Didi about the shocking abduction of the newborn, and Dr. Didi immediately offered to help them search for the baby by allowing them to use one of CORD’s vehicles. Sujata Devi and the rest of her family stormed into Kamala’s house and demanded that her in-laws reveal the baby’s location.
She shoved a piece of paper and pen towards Ramesh and demanded that he write down the location of the baby. Ramesh did not know the exact location, but he assured Sujata Devi and Kamala that he would bring the baby back within three days. After three days, the baby was safely back in Kamala’s arms. Once the baby was brought back home, Ramesh refused to support her. He told Sujata Devi to support the baby because she had insisted that they keep the baby.
However, Ramesh was soon offered a good government job and took his daughter’s birth as a sign of good luck. He also stopped drinking and began to improve his life. Today, Ramesh and Kamala are living happily with their three girls.
CORD workers were appalled by Kamala’s story and they felt that they needed to bring visibility to the problem of female foeticide and gender discrimination. Consequently, they arranged a puppet show in Kamala’s village depicting the horrors of these issues. The puppet show marked the beginning of a new Female Foeticide Program at CORD.
This program brings awareness to villagers about the equality of men and women and prevents villagers from taking the life of a female fetus. This program teaches respect for women in the community.
Kamala is now a CORD worker and she brings awareness about female foeticide at Mahila Mandal (Village Women’s Group) meetings.
A CORD Resource Worker, Sheila Kumari, wanted to address the issue of female foeticide and gender discrimination in her own village. Sheila Kumari educated her community about these concerns and the consequences of getting an ultrasound test. Sheila Kumari helped a poor woman in her village of Dhaloo who already had a daughter and was pregnant with her second child. Everyone in her family and her village wanted her to get an ultrasound test and abort the foetus if it was a female. Sheila Kumari helped them to realize that having a daughter was not a burden, but rather a joy. She convinced them not to get the ultrasound, which is expensive, and to deposit that money into a bank account for their daughter.
Beena Devi, another CORD worker,also addressed these problems in her village of Hatwas. She made her village aware of the fact that females are just as capable of carrying on traditional customs. One tradition, which is still upheld today, is the custom of the son lighting the funeral pyre of his parents. This is another reason why many couples prefer to have a son over a daughter. Beena Devi’s brother had three daughters, so when he passed away, he did not have a son to light the fire. This caused a great deal of debate in the village, but Beena Devi insisted that the eldest daughter carry on the custom of lighting the pyre. Consequently, she became an example for her village.
The discrimination of females is result of generations of male dominance. Females are belittled throughout their lives and their existence is unwanted even before they are born. However, CORD, with the help of Resource Volunteers, seeks to uplift the image of women and empower them.
The stories of Kamala, Sheila Kumari, and Beena Devi all show villagers willingness to adapt and to reverse long held beliefs and customs.
Courtesy: Chinmaya Organization for Rural Development.
A woman's true identity is always in relation to a male member of her family. Why should it be so?? And this is continuing for ages. What is scaring away parents to have a girl child? Primary reason is the expensive marriage ceremonies and dowry payments to the groom’s family is a huge burden on parents. Daughter becomes a liability for her parents for this economic burden. Thus, the parents have to fulfill all the unnecessary demands of their girl’s in-laws.
People spend their life's savings for a 2 or 3 days function and this is a primary culprit. Why follow an outdated custom? Create your own. Break the rules. And create one that suits your economic capability. Old customs were created as per situations prevalent at that time. Times are changing. Lots of planning & thoughts should go into marriage of two individuals who will go on to make that into a fine family. On the contrary, people spend all their energy & money on few days of the wedding.
The other major contributor to this is women not being educated well enough, although it is fast changing now. A girl is often groomed for the role of a mother, a wife and never for pursuing an independent career. Not being economically independent, they are not part of decisions and often on matters related to their own life. Educate your girl child. Make her independent. Celebrate her just as you celebrate your mother..your wife..your friend as she will be one tomorrow in another's life.
That is the beginning one could make in his/her own way to bring in a change..


sandeep said...

A wonderful and meaningful post sir.

Dinesh Rishi said...

I can listen this song again and again any numbers of times and it fills my eyes every time.

Why Why This discrimination?

Why a Girl has to pray that dont make me Girl next time?

We do Kanya poojan twice a year after Navratri Fast.

How one can Kill or hate Ma Swaroop?

This is the greatest sin, which cannot be pardoned, if one believes in God.

A girl child brings Luck and prosperity in a family. Just compare families with and without girl child in your relation and neighbour hood you will feel the difference.

Hope this Message of Master reaches and makes its place in the heart of all newly wedded couples.

Sanjay Jaiswal said...

@Ilango Sir,

Thank You Very Much for this Post, I am the Proud Father of my two Lovely & Loving Daughters...

Thanks & Regards


Good Morning Ilango Sir, very nice post sir and i will want to tell you that this is very deep not in
our society but all over in india , i have watched it in my family too in my child hood with my aunty.
How they killed a baby child in kokh.I was 12 years old only at that time.
Just few months ago i remember a case with my wife's freind , she delivered a baby child and when the family members heard about the baby child every one was sad there even the mom of that new born baby child.
It is very deep sir very deep problem.


my english language is not so good so please excuse me every one for any typing mistake.

hitu said...

i am proud of having two lovely girls

sometimesbullsometimesbear said...

There is a man in every woman and a woman in every man.

It is just the dominant feature with the external organs that genderizes our perception of ourselves.

Both man and woman are wonderful and truly great. Which is why Vedic philosophy manifests Gods and Godessess in both genders.

I would also request women to stop demanding special perks, laws, reservations etc etc and also (very very imp) present themselves in society in a dignified and presentable manner. Respect is earned and not demanded.

U do not have to demand rights or respect. It is ur right and is self evident and we are more than eager to share with u even more than what u ask.

Nice illuminating post from Ilango as always. Thank you.

cahauhan mufo said...

good post
thanks ilango, DR sir
for the enlighting

gauresh59 said...

All the female elements under this sun are the manifestation of energy - shakti. Even Almighy requires this female elements for His functions of creating, sustaining and destructing which we called
-Maha Vidya (Devi Saraswati)
-Maha Maya (Devi Laxmi)
-Maha Kali (Devi Parvti)

Awareness about this is a must.

Daughter becomes a liability for her parents for this economic burden. Old customs must be broken and must be changed as per the need. And this cannot be done only by females. In fact, males have to come forward to create awareness in this line putting aside their ego of being purusha (purush pradhanta).

"Balika Vadhu" - a TV serial has really done a great job in this line. It is not only to oppose Bal-Vivah (child marriage) but also is insisting upon "girl education & girl self reliance".

varun kumar said...

Good afternoon llango sir & all
i posted my trading strategy in my blog and seniors are requested to guide me for accuracy and best use of trading plan.

numchar said...

Gratitude is the appreciation of what is, of life, of existence, of anybody and anything, for just the way It Is .

Let the life flourish as it is ..either boy or girl ..let the god design unveil in totality.

numchar said...


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Sujatha said...

entire different - "with social awareness" view. it's so painful whoever seeing gender bias.

my all time favourite - what a lyrics?? hats off. sometimes my eyes will be filled with tears sometimes quitely listen..i love my daughter what in the lyrics. i am very much blessed

DNSHUKLA said...

I am blessed with 3 daughters. No doubt my mother wanted at least a boy. I gave them education of highest order. When I admitted my daughter in one of the best Engg Institute of the country even my mother in law said what is use of spending so much money on a girl. In this much amount she can be married happily. I told her that I will give her best education and she will take care of her. She got Gold Medal and her photo and Interview was splashed all over News paper and Media. All my relatives now says that she has made them proud more than the boys of the family. All my daughters are Engineers, working with MNCs and earning handsomely. I married my eldest daughter to an Executive with a package of 25 lacs and did not pay a single penny as dowry. I did not follow many traditions and customs associated with the age old marriage system of my community. The elders may be annoyed but why should I care? The marriage was on our terms.
If the daughters are educated they will change the system, change the myth. I am happy to acknowledge that even groom side started accepting it and I know at least 3 cases where no dowry took place. Education is the biggest weapon to change this age old mentality.

jay shah said...

wonderful post dear sir i am blessed by God with a daughter and truely she is the life in our house many thanks for the post

jay shah said...

dear mohmmad javed akhtarji i have sent u a mail please read when your free.many thanks.

Bhushan said...

Many Thank Gurudev
Happy tulsi vivah to all

Ravi Pillai said...

It is never too late to share a joy.
hence my post though so late.
I am proud to be among the select BLESSED and LUCKY FEW like SANJAY and SHUKLA by being blessed with TWO daughters.
We wanted GIRL babies and were blessed with the same .Now both are very successful in their career.

Sai Bhakt said...

As per a survey conducted around the world, world's happiest families are those which have two daughters. Thanks

choudharydev said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
choudharydev said...

Wonderful post !! Sir, I always look forward to your weekend posts and I am very thankful to you for making me start my weekend on a good note

Dinesh Rishi said...

Sunita Jaiswal Mam and Sanjay Jaiswal Bhai

Wishing the both of you greater happiness and joy in the years ahead

Wish You Happy Anniversary to both of you :D

vksoni said...

Sanjay sir and mam ...wish you both a very happy marriage anniversary god bless

SJkolkata said...

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Suraj said...

Good post Sir. God bless.

sanyasho said...

Dear Sir,
I am trying to learn waves. You have said that Nifty is in its MAJOR 5th wave. What timeframe does it have.
In your posting, you have mentioned that 5 waves of weekly ended on 5357 is a sub wave 1. Is such 5 sub waves make 5th MAJOR wave complete.
Sir kindly e'mail me daily chart which reflacts the MAJOR WAVE, its Sub waves with weekly and daily counts thereof.
Please enhance my alternative deducing capability and invalidation of wave. My e'mail id is
Thanking you, I am eagerly waiting for your reply very soon.

Kumar Technicals said...

Dear ILango Sir,

Very good post, touching...

Dear Sanjay Jaiswal!

Happy Wedding Anniversary to you & Bhabhi ji, enjoy & tk cr:)

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