"Oh no! I am fine !" he would say when people asked him if he was in pain. He just didn't want to let anyone be bothered by his discomfort.
At the funeral my cousin who is a reputed lawyer with offices in Chennai and Delhi told me "If it wasn't for your Dad, Akka, we would all have still been in our ancestral home town in Tamil Nadu." He recounted the path taken by my father to join the Air Force as soon as he finished his matriculation and went on to help his younger brothers to study and come out of the little village and make their lives in the other parts of the country. My father took good care of his parents and younger brothers. Helping others was a natural trait in him. He was kind and sensitive and went out of his way to help people. As his friends and acquaintances hear about his demise, they have only words of praise for him. The world has lost a great soul they say. Yes, he was indeed a great soul. He always shared inspirational material with people of all ages. He was an ardent follower of Paramahansa Yogananda whom he took on as his one and only Guru...
My childhood memories of him begin from the age of 4 or 5 when he used to pick me off the floor and throw me in the air and as I came down exhilarated with my eyes closed and the sound of rushing air around my ears, he would catch me perfectly with his hands.... the hands which made him one of the best Volleyball players of his time. Then he would hug me and call me "Yenga Amma" affectionately in tamil which means 'my mother' because I resembled her.. much to the dismay of my mother who had her quota of mother-in-law problems with my grandmother! But for me at that age it was a bliss to be hugged by the strong arms of my father, safe from the outside world.
As I grew up I came to know my Dad as a strict and dominant person. I thought at times he was unreasonable and had old-fashioned values about life. He had a strong personality which clashed with a strong personality of my mother. So there used to be innumerable arguments at home. He set high standards for me and my elder brothers and would be impatient if we did not measure up to it.
Much later as an adult and mother to two children I could understand him much better. Though he was disappointed with the problems in my life. He felt I wasn't doing enough to get out of my problems.. while I felt that it is alright to make mistakes... as long as we learn from it.
His end came suddenly and unexpectedly... leaving us all in a shock.
As I sort out his books, letters and diaries, I see so many facets of him. I feel as though he is still around, guiding and protecting us.
Sometimes I miss him so much that tears well up in my eyes... and then I feel him say the words he would say when I fell down and scraped my knees when I was young... 'shake your arms and legs and say "I am fine" and you will be fine...'
Yes, I am fine Dad. Thanks for everything....
******************************************************************
As felt & written by my wife..
25 comments:
sir,thanks for nice story of yr father,is this story written by yr mother?
No..Subrat, this is written by my wife. It is reproduced here as written by her.
I will write, another time, about the other great soul that left me..my father when I was 16.My father in law always says that "I am like his son" and he treated me also like one. So the loss is equally profound.
Death makes you feel cheated..or is it that we are not prepared.
Ilango sir, you used to wet our eyes by your weekend stories, but this time you really made me cry thinking of my parents too! My empathy goes with you and your wife. Again you have proved that indeed you are a Jonathan Livingston Seagull - stand apart from others - by giving so much importance to your Father-in-law as a father deserves.
Death doesn't cheat us sir. It is always in its form. It is we humans who think that either we can conquer death or we feel that few persons are incapable of dying whatsoever happens. A very close friend of mine used to say, 'evngalellam saaga mudiyumnu neenaika mudiyala" which is true!!!
Ilango sir, Satheesh is right. As felt and written by your wife about her father has made us cry also. I agree with you however that the sudden passing away of any of our dear ones makes us feel definitely cheated. But then how can you ever be prepared for that. What else can I say sir?
ilango sir , so sorry to hear that. may god give your wife and u the courage to bear up with it and may the departed soul rest in peace
“Thaaietchirantha kovilum illai. Thanthai solmikka manthiram illai".
Without father ho………… there is no word to explain. From the age 22 I am suffering. I am sure; Mr.Ilango is there for you to give fathers care also in addition.
“Tears are the silent language of grief”
Mrs and Mr Ilango,
Accept my condolences.
God be with you and take you through, till we unite at his lotus feet once we fulfill our duties in this jenma.
Father is the ultimate child-lover because man is weak in expressing his love fully. Children realise it in his absence.
Warm regards,
S Rajagopal
Dear Illango
I know the pains. No words.Further, when we are coming up they are not here to see
We all with you
Bala
It's very sad to hear and heartfelt condolences to your family members. May his soul rest in peace.
Now it's very clear to me "HOW AND WHY YOU HAVE SUCH A BROAD MINDED PERSON" No... wonder...
I am unable to control myself cried a lot after read your post.. as last week only i finished my mother's 11th year ceremony. We are unlucky.. lost her early...
But, yeah...father is so affectionate and caring..now we are all grown up got married.. and taking care of our father...Ofcourse no need to say , he's GREAT TO US.
Very painful week to me sir.
Regards
Sir,
My heartfelt condolences on your breavement. As I write this my eyes are immeresed with tears as still trying to get over the loss of my mother,who passed a few months ago. I can understand your pain. May God give you and Mrs Ilango the courage to get over this pain.
Regards
No words can console the loss of beloved ones only time has the power to diminish(even time cannot erase) the sorrow of loss of beloved ones
i can feel & understand it sir, i lost both of my parents in a car accident in 2005 and accidently i was not driving that day bcoz i was not well(ppl say i ws lucky but i never found so)..always ask god 2 reverse the time..
deep regards
manu
Death is neither end of life nor Birth is start of Life. All are born with some specific reason but in mess(one may say wonder) of this world, we never attempt to think the reason of birth. If everyone think deep into his soul and hear what it says - we might find the reason of Entry and Exit.
Foolish thought makes Foolish world - when everyone is clear that none he brought with him - none he is going to take with him but gone on with MAD rush in accumulating wealth that imbalances the sorrow and happiness. (“If your Riches are yours, why don't you take them with you to t'other world?")
Real Tribute to our parents is just to pass on the culture that they gave to us to their grandchildren with Interest(more cultivated).
Most people come to appreciate their fathers only when they are gone. And then they cry. And their children in turn with their actions make them cry even more.
Bridges connects, wall seperates.
Love is evergreen. may be the actions brings the tussles sometimes. Yenga Amma i.e., my mother- this one word itself enough to say about the love with their beloved.
I pray the almighty to welcome such soul to their world and give the full strength to the beloved family.
Blessed are called those who has wonder family.
Vazgha valamudan.
Om thath sath.
mahalingam.
My heartfelt condolences to you and your family members Sir..
I wrote this as a part of the healing process. As a tribute to him. I had not expected Ilango to put it as his week-end post when I showed it to him. But I am glad he shared it with you all.
Thanks for your kind words... and my heartfelt condolences to those of you who are going through a similar situation. Whatever may be our age, losing a parent makes you feel orphaned. Manu, Sujatha, U.K Raj, am sure you will feel their presence in your life... they are still around us. Ilango lost his father when he was 16 and being the favourite child among 10 children he missed his father immensely. But when our second son was born he suddenly felt his presence in his life... we look for our parents in our children and grandchildren.. thats our way of accepting death.
Rajagopal, it is true men may not be able to express their love fully, but they love their children deeply and we feel it only when they're gone.
Manoj Chopra, yes, nothing happens by chance, there is a purpose for everything. We just have to realise it.
thanks again to all of you,
Vazgha valamudam was on the screensaver of my dad's mobile !
Wish you a happy and profitable trading week!
jay
mrs and mr ilango,
accept my heartfelt condolences.
im a silent reader of ur blog since last one year and made it a habit that i go through blog and all the comments at least once a day if possible and not away from the net connection or in some god forsaken place.
i have no hesitation in accepting this that initially i use to skip the stories which u post on saturday or sunday.
but slowly i started reading those stories and so addicted to them that now i wait for the sat/sunday.
yesterday i could not catchup with the blog and i was expecting another story in the store.
as cold wave is sweeping across north india, i decided to catch up with the story in the mng but didnt had enough courage to wake up and leave the comfort of quilt, so i decided to go through it on phone.
while going through it i was lying by the side of my 4 month old kid,my eyes filled with tears and i was having a feeling that a good freind of mine who is very near to me had a big loss.
because ilango and all the blogmates who r very frequent contributors are just like family freinds now.
its really nice of u that u share ur sorrows with us.
i wish to god that he gives u all the strngth to overcome this.
saurabh
its too late to console you,but still my heart gos on saying do something..Illango..atmost i put all my focus to the centre of mine and pray for that Noble Soul Rest in peace go's being with you and guide you when ever you are in need of him.
love.
Ramani.G
i lost my father in 1988 and mother in 2008 .... in both the cases the news came like a bolt .... both of them were no more .....
i could overcome my fathers death much faster - may be because i was young .... may be because my mother was still there ....may be growing age makes you more sensitive .... it is suppose to make you more matured but i think its the opposit .....
parents are ir-replaceable ... no matter how many other relatives u may have ...... and even at the age of 55 ... u feel like an orphan
nothing more to add .....
My heartfelt condolences to you and your family members.
My heart-felt condolences to you Mrs & Mr Ilango and the family, yes I know the pain of losing a parent who was in pain, the thoughts remain engraved in memory, may God stand beside you, no words can take away the loss ...
Moh
Sir,
I'm not only learning EW from you....It's more than that.
Post a Comment